SOLILOQUY OF A MIND

A recent development in my office made me lose interest in my passion. An assignment I would execute without asking for a dime; a thing I want to do every now and then…. writing. Not like it is paying my bills right now but some of us can relate when I say I’m doing it for the love and not for the money. Yet, there are other angles of the game that will still bring in the money but it requires a level of strategic approach and I’m working on that.

For the first time in my few years of living my dream, I lost interest in writing. I pick up a pen and it didn’t excite me, neither did my heart beat in response to my inner wish to pen words as they erupt from my mind. This feeling came as a result of a production job we did for our company that went sour. I can’t stomach how I had put in so much into a project, months of strife, many sleepless nights, hungry moments and head jamming thoughts to be faced with zero. I mean input with no alternating output is bullshit…exactly what I got for all my efforts. It gets worse when all that is required is the end result.

The life we live in today portrays a group of people who will share the glory when you win but will abandon and castigate you when you lose. It gets worse when the people you counted on are the ones who messed it all up for you. But I can’t even defend that because in the first place, it was my task to ensure that they didn’t make a mistake at all. And how best could I have dealt with this situation? Or have humans suddenly become less of the most difficult business to manage in this life?

I stood speechless to see everything I had built for so long crash before my face. Tears probably got too thick to drop from my eyes cos I couldn’t cry even if it would have made me feel better. For once, I hated to be a part of the production crew and even worse to have led the pack. But on a second thought, it was worth the try and it can only get better…I mean, how worse can it be? A nigger has learnt his lessons (the hard way tho) and it will only take a foolish man to fall and remain on the ground instead of getting up without fear of even falling again. I have taken this destiny in my hands and I will get to the top and scream like one of the zealous Spartans.
A driving force that has brought me this far is THE ALMIGHTY and HIM alone deserves the GLORY forever and ever. For one day I was just a fan and a reader who didn’t always have enough money to buy a copy of this journal and today I am sitting on top of it as the managing production editor. The one who had a little of the power to put anyone who is worthy of appearance on its page. Therefore, I think it would be unfair to just nag and face down feeling downgraded because I know a couple of peops would want to take the blame so long as they are the ones in my position yet I am not even trying to flaunt it. To GOD be the GLORY.

Of cause I started with J who was there when it all started but she dropped along the way because she thought I was too busy for her liking. Then came V who was supportive and caring but hey……it still didn’t work. Life had a different plan for me and C was the IT that needed to be there when it will be accomplished…simply put – accomplish IT. Though C is not even a firsthand accomplice of the success cos she is not within to feel the weight yet she is where she is showing love to the brother. Though the first impression I gave her was the sad face but she’s not even letting me feel bad for it. She thought I gave it a good shot because she was with me on some of those sleepless night…(well not always in that sense but …wink…you know how we do) and her company was an encouragement tool on its own.

Life is such a good teacher and experience is the core subject. I am a testimony of some of life’s teachings and even though I’ve had a couple of the hard blows of life, I still double as a story of success in the making and the happiest man with the best woman in the world. I have a partner in success right now and C ain’t even trying to mess with me like a serious life investment. I don’t wanna take y’all away from the subject matter so I will rather stop here and let y’all catch your breath.

The next time you’ll catch my words on this page, you will be reading HIM as the poet. And the topic will be ‘C’….. I can guarantee you will not be bored cos ‘C’ is a serious issue……I hope you can see what I mean.